Well, when I was a kid,
I really wanted to be an astronaut.
You know, floating around,
no school or parents to tell you what to do.
But I don't really like danger.
Ow!
And my mother wasn't very supportive.
- You're gonna hurt yourself doin' that! - Ow!
I thought photography would be cool,
you know, 'cause girls love to have their picture taken.
- Ow! - But I just didn't have the right feel for it.
You stupid jerk!
If my nose is broken, my parents are gonna sue you!
So, Gilby, what is your occupation?
Occupation?
Yes, what it is that you do now?
I mean, what is your profession?
Why do people have to be defined by their jobs?
A person's job should not be a reflection of their value
as a human being, right?
I am not my job.
I mean, why can't people just live anymore?
You know, what's wrong with that?
There's nothing wrong with that.
I mean, do-do you...
feel like there's something wrong with that?
I don't.
Might as well have your job and salary
tattooed on your forehead.
'Cause, these days, it's like,
"What's your name? Okay, what do you do?"
That's clever, but the issue is,
do you like your job?
Eh... I work at a crappy cell phone store. It sucks.
But, at least it's easy, not too stressful,
and-and I can live my life.
Is somebody making you feel pressure about your job?
My girlfriend, Sharon.
I see... and what does Sharon do?
She teaches psychology at Columbia,
and she's doing research for some book.
Well, that sounds great.
I'd love to read it when it's published.
Do you live together?
Well, that's another sore issue.
She thinks I'm avoiding responsibility,
but I disagree.
I'm avoiding stress,
which I think is a pretty noble quest.
Stress is linked to cancer and high blood pressure.
So, you think that living with Sharon
will actually make you ill.
Well, I think living with any woman can be dangerous.
Why do you think married men die before their wives?
Have...
No?
Gilby, she's working on her research project,
and a book may come out of it,
and you're working at a crappy cell phone store.
But, she's not a better person than you are, Gilby.
Thank you.
She just might have a brighter future.
Look, man, why don't you just do somethin' romantic together?
Do you have any ideas?
Sure, man. Go see a movie.
Check out a couples' movie. She'll love it.
Oh. Like a romantic comedy? Like what?
I don't know. Something like "Jerry Maguire."
It's Tom Cruise and what's-his-face,
and he's running through the rain,
and he goes in and he does this whole spiel
in front of all of her hard-up friends
that are eatin' potato chips and wearing Spanx.
Girls love that stuff.
Is that the one with that kid?
- The ten-pound head kid? - I don't like that kid.
Guy really creeps me out.
Forget movies, man.
Look, what does she like to do?
- What does she wanna do? - I don't know.
She likes lakes. Like, nature.
- Problem solved. That's great. - I'm gonna take to a lake?
That's gonna solve everything?
It's a start, Gilby.
Why am I taking your advice?
When was the last time you even had a girlfriend?
You wonder why she doesn't wanna spend time with you.
Is it my shot yet?
No, uh, you just lost.
W... I didn't even go.
I guess, if you ever Google "beautiful lake near New York",
just stay on the first page.
It looked different in the picture.
You just can't trust the Internet.
Here are your drinks, boys.
You know, I-I gotta tell you, Bernard.
I-I'm glad that I-I canceled my 5:00
because this is, uh, far more interesting than...
Hey, it's almost 6:30. Where are you?
I'm gonna head in, so I'll see you when you get here.
- Do you need to get that? - No, I... No.
I thought it might be work.
Yeah.
It was amazing.
It was really amazing.
I could actually feel the positive energy
being transmitted through my body.
You know what? Eric just got here.
I-I'm gonna call you back.
I'm so sorry, but those clients
would keep me at the office all night, if they could.
The good news is... they're happy.
Well, as long as you made someone happy.
Aw, Rachel, come on. I know.
I messed up. I didn't go to your thing.
First of all, it's not my thing, okay?
And second, you have no problem getting out of work
when it's something you wanna do.
Weren't you just talking about your Swami Rama
spiritual stuff?
Isn't that all about forgiveness?
You never even called.
You left me waiting, by myself.
I didn't text? I thought I texted you.
- No text. No. - Shit. Yeah, okay.
That was a douchey thing of me. I-I'm really sorry.
But, you know, if you were to look at it spiritually,
maybe I was trying to teach you patience.
- Ohm. - Fuck you.
- I'm just kidding. I'm to-I'm totally kidding. - Oh, really?
Why can't you see this is important to me?
I get that-that these things float your boat.
- It-it's just not my thing. - Forget it.
You know, I-I-I thought that there would be a part of you,
just-just a-a tiny part of you
that wanted to be with me.
Well...
there's a growing part of me that wants to be with you,
- right now. - A dick joke?
Classy.
Thought it was pretty funny.
My phone smells.
Excuse me?
Are you deaf? My phone smells.
I want a new one.
Okay, is there somethi'' wrong with it?
I just told you. Am I talking to myself?
- I meant besides the smell. - How the hell should I know?
I'm not puttin' that thing near my face.
I'll have a technician look at it?
No, I-I-I don't need someone to look at it.
I need someone to smell it.
I spent good money, and I-I'm not satisfied.
I paid for a cell phone. Not a smell phone.
Okay, um, do you have your receipt?
- I bought it here. - Okay, when was that?
What's with the third degree?
W... Are you calling-are you calling me a liar?
No, this is standard procedure.
Do you harass all your customers,
or are you just picking on me because I'm a woman?
I treat all my customers the same.
So, you admit it. You harass all your customers.
Ha! I want the manager!
Okay, I'll get the manager out to, uh, smell your phone.
- He's an expert on that. - Thank you.
I'm actually very curious to see what happens here.
You're breakin' up. No, I said I can't hear you.
Sorry.
Whoa! Whoa!
- Ah! Are you blind? - I-I'm sorry!
What the hell is wrong with you?
I'm... No-no, I'm really sorry.
I would pay for it, if I had a job!
I'm sorry. I-I...
Small fire. The jerk-off left his lava lamp plugged in.
Whoa! You can't go in there, pal.
But I live here.
Just be a few minutes. The fire's out.
Oh, thank God. Was it bad?
No, I wouldn't worry. Very small.
Only one apartment affected.
What apartment do you live in?
Uh, 706.
- You smoke? - No, that'll give you cancer.
Go on. One won't kill ya.
No, I'm-I'm okay. Thank you.
You wanna sit in the fire truck?
My kids love it.
Come on.
Oh, my God. What happened to you?
My apartment burned down.
Gilby, what the hell did you do?
- Jesus, Sharon, can I come in? - Now?
No, not now, but next Wednesday.
Does that work? Of course, now.
God, you stink like a thousand ashtrays.
Yeah, well, fire tends to-to have that effect.
God, Sharon, you know,
I-I imagined you'd be a little more sympathetic.
You know, something like, "Oh, my God, Gilby!"
Or, "Are you all right? Your apartment burned down?"
I don't know. Throw your arms around me or somethin'.
Uh, why do you keep bringing boxes?
You can't stay here.
What? What the hell are you talking about, Sharon?
You're my girlfriend.
Well... I was.
What the hell does that mean?
Well, we broke up.
We... W-what? When?
I was gonna tell you tomorrow.
You were gonna tell me tom... Are...
Did you, like, bang your head or something?
A-are you-are you-are you on your...
Is it your period?
Am I... Oh, wow.
Um, no, Gilby, I'm not on my period,
but I am seeing someone else.
Already? I mean, isn't that a little premature?
I thought we were breaking up tomorrow.
Well, he's on his way, and so you need to leave.
I-I have nowhere to go.
I-I just lost my job,
and then my apartment burns down,
and n-now you're gonna dump me?
Right now? I mean, I...
Can I at least shower before I begin my life on the street?
No. You can't take a shower here,
and you're not gonna be homeless.
Stop piling on like that.
It's bad for your confidence.
I'm con-I'm confident that you're insane!
Okay, you know what?
I have made my feelings very clear.
I am not gonna let you give me some guilt trip.
Guilt trip? You're dumping me after I've lost everything.
That's a fact trip.
Okay, this? Not gonna work.
You're gonna have to go.
You had to pick today to become a sociopath?
Great, great.
He's here. Great.
You are my landlord's cousin,
and you came to the wrong apartment.
You want me to lie for you? You nuts?
You are nuts! Get out of my apartment!
- Hey, baby. - Hi. You're early.
I just couldn't wait any longer to see you.
- Mmm. - Come here.
Hi.
- Um... - I'm sorry.
- I... This is... - I, uh, didn't realize you, uh, had company.
I don't, actually.
Hi, I'm Gilby.
Calvin.
Calvin. Hi, Calvin. Did...
Sharon, did you not tell your friend about me?
No, no, I don't think so. Did you tell me about Gilby?
- No, why would I? - Well, we're...
I'm Sharon's brother.
- Oh! - Yeah.
- Great to meet you, man. - Yeah, hey.
Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?
I-I don't know. It must have slipped my mind.
Why didn't you tell him about your twin bro?
Twins? Ha! Twins.
Yeah, you know, now that you mention it,
- you guys do look alike. - You see it.
- I see it. Yeah. - I don't think so.
- People say that! - No one says that.
- It's kind of a thing. - It's not a thing.
Do you guys, like, uh, read each other's minds?
Sometimes.
Ooh!
- No. - No, no.
But we are closer than you can imagine.
- Oh, I'm sure. - You know what? That's completely true
because we share the same taste in men.
- So, you're, uh... - Is, uh, is that right?
Gay as the day is long.
- Loves penis. - Okay.
- Loves penis, this one. - Okay.
Hey, what's with all the-the boxes going around here?
Are you, uh, redecorating your place or something?
Yes, yes, exactly.
You know, us gays just love to redecorate.
- Looks good. - When we're not loving penis so much.
Which you do. Mm-hmm.
All the time.
Yeah, we're loving hanging new drapes.
- I know. I know. - This guy is funny.
This guy, this-this guy,
you-you picked a real winner.
God, you guys are getting along so well.
I hate to break it up,
but Gilby is late for his date with a man.
- So, you should go. - Oh, you know what?
I-I didn't tell you. I changed those plans.
'Cause I was just feeling a little tired,
so I just wanna kick back and relax.
- I'm just gonna stay here. - Here? Alone?
I don't think so. No, not by yourself.
Then it's cool if I tag along with you two?
No!
No.
- No, but you should stay here. - So, just stay.
Whatever you want, sis. Just stay? Okay.
You know what? I'm gonna get my jacket...
- for our date. - Yeah, all right, then.
So, you can...
- Stay. - Stay here.
- I guess.
- Hey, a little advice about my sister. - Oh, yeah, give it to me.
Yeah, so, no matter how aggressive she gets,
just play hard to get.
Don't fall for it. It's all a test.
Like, don't even kiss her. She'll love it.
She'll go nuts. Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, thanks. Thanks for the tip. - No problem. Yeah.
- Gilby! - Help a guy out. Yeah?
Think you could come help me pick out a jacket, bro?
You know it, sister.
- Okay. Don't do anything. - Nothin'. Okay, cool.
I want you outta here by the time I'm back.
- You don't mean that. - Yes, I do.
I want you and your stinking boxes
out of my apartment because we're finished, Gilby.
Got it?
Huh.
It's...
Hey...
Get the hell outta my bedroom.
I have a huge surprise for you.
- You do? I have a huge surprise. - No, wait, you go first.
- Can I? I can-I can go first. - Yes, go, go.
I think I finally found something
we're both gonna love.
I'm all ears.
I don't think you're ready for this.
I-I may need a sip of water. All right.
A tantric retreat.
- Hmm! - Right?
- Right.
Um, like the thing... Uh, that's a group thing,
though, right?
Mmm, it's a sex thing.
- Well, um... - I mean, come on.
It's a lot of sex with me. Or... No, with me.
Um...
Come on. It's gonna...
It'll help our sex life.
That part I'm in on.
If it's the sex with you and me helping the-the...
Our sex life thing, then yes.
- Really? - I'm in.
You're not gonna take it back?
- You're really in? - I'm totally in.
- Babe! - Put it in the books. We're going.
Do you realize how happy I am?
- That makes me so happy. Cheers. - Okay. Cheers.
It's not a competition of surprises,
but if it were, mine would win.
- Okay. All right, I'm ready. - Are you ready? Yeah.
How would you like to spend three weeks in Paris?
Are you serious?
I'm serious.
- Paris? Yes, please! - Yes, yes.
- Are you kidding me? When? - Only a-only a lunatic would say, "no."
We leave on the 15th.
Okay.
All right, but the retreat is on the 18th.
- So, do you... Can we... - Oh, grr, what do I do?
Do I roll around in the grass with crazy people,
or do I go to Paris? Grr.
We can push it back a little bit, right?
No, no, I can't, I can't. I got work in Paris.
I gotta be there for the 15th.
Oh, right, okay.
- This is a business trip. - Well, no, I-I...
Was that your surprise?
Do you not remember what happened last time?
I was by myself the whole time. You...
- I never even saw you. - You were at the museum. Took all those great pictures.
- We had a great time. - Oh, which was wonderful.
It's always about work with you.
I'm...
Work comes before me, before us,
before everything in your life.
Fine. Don't go.
Can we get the check, miss?
Yeah, we're gonna take this to go.
Really?
You win.
Great.
Do you wanna come in?
Mmm.
What's wrong?
I don't know. I just wanna take it slow.
Come on. You know you wanna come in.
No, what about your brother?
Who?
Oh, Gilby? No.
He's long gone. It's just you and me.
Fish sticks?
Hey, hey.
Well, that was...
Yeah.
I'll call you tomorrow.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Does he not like fish sticks? - Get in the kitchen.
Why the hell are you still here?
Okay, you know, I gave it a lot of thought,
and I decided that I forgive you.
Oh, you forgive me.
Yes, I just wanted to let you know,
so that you don't torture yourself.
By the way, where is the tartar sauce?
How-how do you not understand this?
- It's over. - We're great together!
Okay, we have some problems, but so does everyone.
We are not great together.
- So, you never loved me? - Gilby, come on.
I was in love with you. But, you're so immature.
- And I am evolving, and you're not even trying! - Okay, okay, so,
th-th-this is all because I don't have a career
- you approve of, right? - Okay, all right.
Well, 'A', I don't have that career anymore,
and 'B', how shallow can you be?
Just keep telling yourself that
- if that's what makes you feel good. - I will.
Okay, great, but this whole idea that work is somehow
the root of all evil is an excuse for you
to not ever do anything with your life.
What? Oh, and this guy...
- This what's-his-face, Melvin... - Calvin! Calvin!
Whatever! You're gonna tell me he's emotionally mature?
Yes, actually. He is in touch with his emotions,
and his career, and his sexuality.
Whoa, whoa!
What do you mean, his sexuality?
Calvin's openly bi.
You could never be that open.
Finally, something we both agree on.
Great.
- Don't touch those! - Oh, they're my sticks!
- They... - I'll touch them!
What happened?
I'm having some work done on my apartment.
Well, what about a hotel?
You don't want me here?
Jeez, Mom, I never ask you for anything.
I thought you'd be a lot more comfortable in a hotel.
Don't you think I would've stayed in a hotel,
if I wanted to?
Goddamn it. I'm happy here, all right?
- Do you have to smoke? - I don't mind you staying here,
but don't cramp my style.
I'm just showing a little concern for your health.
Well, something's gotta kill ya.
Hopefully, not cancer.
They don't really know about that for sure.
Actually, they do. It's scientifically proven
that cigarettes are linked to cancer.
Have you watched the news in the last few decades?
I don't like the news. It's depressing.
I still don't understand why you wanna stay here anyway.
Is it so crazy for me to wanna stay with my own mom?
Let's face it. Considering how much you smoke,
how many years do you have left?
This could be our last chance to bond.
Whatever.
Don't wait up for me.
Didn't you just love Josh's iPod yoga?
Yeah, actually, it was really great.
It's so cool to listen to your own mix,
instead of having one imposed on you, you know?
It's such a metaphor for finding your own joy,
and listening to your own sound.
I mean, everyone has their own path in life,
so shouldn't you be able to listen to your own soundtrack?
- It's so obvious. - I heard, next week,
we're all gonna swap iPods.
- Wow, that's so... - So beautiful.
And revealing to listen to someone else's mix.
Wow.
- Here we are. - Thank you.
- Namaste. - Namaste.
Namaste.
I'm-I'm sorry, but I ordered, um, the taco.
That is the taco.
No, no.
O-okay, all right.
It's just...
it's just a leaf of lettuce and some nuts.
Exactly.
Oh.
- She's new. - How about our special,
the pastel Frito kelp noodles?
I'm good. Thank you.
Here, have some of my linguine.
- Oh, is that what that is? - Mm-hmm.
It's cabbage, but you'd never know.
Oh, I'm pretty sure I'd know.
Oh, eyelash.
Oh, make a wish.
What'd you wish for? Don't tell me.
Okay, tell me.
Wow, what you guys have is so great.
It's really nice. I mean, how do you do it?
Well, we don't do anything. That's the trick.
We just let it happen to us.
We just ride it like a wave,
and try not to control our love.
- That's beautiful. - Yeah.
Thank you.
Aww, that's so sweet.
You were here to witness that.
Congratulations.
- That's good for you. Yeah. - Mmm.
Sharon wasn't right for me.
You know, it was time to move on.
You always said she was the one.
Well, she was one of the ones.
Yeah, but now I need another one, or no one...
a new one.
So, you ended it with her?
- She was devastated. - Oh, it's gotta be tough.
Just crying, and just-just begging,
and just it was a mess,
but she loves me, and, you know?
- You're a terrible liar, Gilby. - It was mutual.
You know, we talked. I mean, we're adults.
We decided the best thing for both of us,
right now, in our lives, was to just take some time.
- So what actually happened? - She left me
for this super sensitive,
ridiculous, bisexual, Australian,
artist, rock star lookin' type.
Like a robot designed to rip your heart out.
Every time you mentioned her, you were always complaining.
So, I think this could be for the best.
You know, that's love.
W... That. That is love.
When you think you can't stand someone.
When all you do is complain,
All you can think about is what you'd change,
when you want to kill them.
That's love.
Listen, I'm no expert, but that is definitely not love.
Listen, I'm goin' to a fun party this weekend,
and I think it would be a great idea for you to join.
Fun?
Fun is supposed to cheer me up?
Come on, man, you'll meet some other people.
You get Sharon off your mind.
It'll be great. Hold this, will ya?
I can't... Oh.
So, Gilby, what brings you to ITI?
Uh, I need a job.
So, you've had IT experience?
Oh, yes, definitely.
- And? - And...
I was... Yes.
And, um, I'm tha-I'm thankful.
Uh, it-it's helped me immeasurably, you know?
I-I can't thank "it" enough.
I-T.
Oh, you're joking.
Yes. I'm sorry. I'm very nervous.
Oh, no, because I love to laugh.
- I really do. - Oh, great! Me, too.
I'll guess I'll just have to wait.
Uh... you went to Harvard.
Yes, I did.
Yes.
- I did, too. - You did?
- Mm-hmm. - Ah, get outta here.
What are the chances?
Was Dr. Reynolds still there, when you were?
Dr. Reynolds? Yeah, Dr. Reynolds.
Yes. Renny?
You know, I had so many great teachers when I was there,
but Dr. Reynolds, he was the best.
He was the best.
He was a she.
Yes, he-she was.
And she believed that there was a-a stronger
he inside of her,
and through the miracles of modern science,
she was able to realize himself.
And he is, I think, much happier than she was,
and some say a better teacher.
And, you know, I think, uh, you know,
they made the right decision
that was best for her and him.
And, uh, we still talk.
She died at the cemetery, you know?
I-I speak to him and her. Or, it's a moot point now.
Mostly me, and I believe, you know, she and they listen.
Mostly, you know, pansexual poetry, you know?
- She was cremated. - Right.
And I feel so fortunate and honored that I was,
you know, selected as one of the few students
to receive a small parcel of ash,
which I-I divided into little thimbles
that I occasionally spread in fields and playgrounds.
That's interesting.
And the ashes must have blown across the Hudson
because that's where I spread them myself.
That was you? God, what a beautiful day.
- I think we're done here. - Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Listen, listen, Jane.
Please, call me Ms. Harris.
Ms. Harris. Excuse me.
Um, look, I didn't go to Harvard.
You figured that out.
And it sounds like this Reynolds character
- was pretty messed up. - She was my sister.
Your parents must be so proud.
Now, just give me a chance.
My girlfriend dumped me,
and then my apartment burned down.
I don't have the skills you want or need.
I don't even really know what you do here.
But, if-if you just think outside the box, um...
We're done here. You haven't been honest about anything.
Uh-uh, my apartment burned down,
and my girlfriend dumped me.
Well, it was-it was mutual.
- I'm sorry, Shelby. - Okay, um, all right.
Can I just take this,
because I think it's the only one I-I have?
- It is the only one I have. - Yes.
Okay. You think anyone else would be interested?
- Goodbye, Shelby. - Right. It's Gilby.
- Get out. - Okay.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Do you smell something burnin'?
Oh, that's my jacket.
Sorry, I should've gotten it dry cleaned.
When did you get this car?
It's a company car, man. I got a promotion.
They gave you a car? God.
Yeah, man, well, I got a lot of stops to make.
I don't get it.
You don't actually sell anything.
You just get doctors to prescribe your drugs.
I mean, how hard could that be?
I think even I could sell pharmaceuticals.
Well, I don't think you'd really like it.
How would you know?
Because when I brought it up, two years ago, you said,
"I would never be a soulless corporate drug dealer."
I said that?
- Yeah. - Sorry.
Look, man, I gotta be honest.
I-I kind of agree with Sharon.
You know, your whole... "I'm not gonna have a career,
so I can really live my life" bit,
that's not really working out.
- You like my impression of you, by the way? - Yeah, it was great.
You shouldn't be afraid to put yourself out there every now and then.
The truth is, people believe what you project.
So, if you present yourself as a winner,
people are gonna say, "Now, there's a winner."
Okay, so, if I buy fake gold medals
and start wearing tracksuits, things are gonna look up?
Yeah, I think that's-I think that's a good look for ya.
But, seriously, you fake it 'til you make it.
You know, you really wanna turn things around,
you should follow my advice.
Look, how much more do you have to lose?
You're right.
I, uh, I wanna make a change.
Good.
- No, I need to make a change. - Yes.
I kinda hit rock bottom.
Apartment, job, girlfriend gone.
Living with my mom.
Any lower, then I'd have to do something drastic,
like throw myself in front of a Bentley, or...
Have you looked into that?
I don't even-I don't even live in an area
where Bentleys drive.
I, you know, I gotta start with, like, a Volvo.
- Volvo's much more your... - Volvo, yeah.
Where are we going?
Seriously, this party better be worth it.
What kinda hip club is in the middle of nowhere?
So, about that, um...
- Hey, hey! - Little Kevvy!
- Look who it is. - You got so big!
Give your auntie a kiss.
That's great. Hey!
Oh, who is your little friend?
Uh, I'm Gilby.
Nibley?
No, Gilby.
Don't just stand there. Come in. Join the party.
- Here, I'll take your coat. - Thank you.
- You look so lovely. - Oh, you're such a charmer.
I smell somethin' burning. I hope it's not my ham.
You ready for this?
What the hell is this?
It's my grandparent'' anniversary party.
- This is an old farts party. - Yeah, I know.
I, uh, couldn't imagine anything worse,
which is why I didn't come alone.
Appreciate you being here.
Grab a glass of wine, or five.
Do somethin' about that.
Kevin! How are ya?
Gertrude, you son of a gun!
You gotta be kidding me!
Oh.
Yeah, I know, right?
Hey.
Uh, red wine, please. Yeah, thank you.
Don't you just hate these things?
Excuse me?
I mean, it's all so fake.
Everyone pretending to be part of this big, happy family,
then they won't see each other again until the funeral.
Let me guess.
- Life coach? - No.
I, uh, I actually run my own company.
Really? What kinda company?
Uh, computers.
Hmm. Didn't peg you for the corporate type.
Oh, no, no, I'm not.
Yeah, no, it was, uh, it was more of a creative thing.
- Design, or... - Yeah, actually. Yeah, exactly like that.
- Oh. - Yeah, do you know somethin' about that?
Yeah, I... More than I'd like.
I hear ya.
That's why I sold it.
Just, you know, wasn't for me.
You know, I had so much success so early,
that I didn't really know
what I actually was passionate about, you know?
- Good for you. - Yeah, knowing yourself is its own kinda luxury.
So, yeah, I'm just taking some time.
Finding myself, spiritually.
Well, I can relate to that.
Aww.
Aww, that's so cute.
Yeah.
I bet she's nagged the life out of him.
- Wow! - Yeah, yeah.
I hear he's only 36.
- Really? - Yeah.
So, let me guess.
They're, uh, friends of yours.
Uh, drinking buddies? You did time together?
No, no, I got it. Uh, swinging partners.
Almost.
They're my grandparents.
Hey, can I get a, uh, glass of white?
Coming right up.
Did you meet my sister, Rachel?
Why didn't you tell me you had a sister?
I don't know. It never came up.
Well, how-how have I never seen her before?
Why is she never around?
I don't see her around that much.
I don't know. Our circles don't really overlap.
- Thanks. - Dude, you gotta hook it up.
What are you, nuts? You're the Grinch that stole Christmas.
What? Come on. What's the problem?
I'm practically family now.
That's right, Nibley.
Here's the problem. You see that guy over there.
Smart guy, successful, handsome, great posture?
- Yeah, and? - That's my brother-in-law.
How many sisters do you have?
I have one sister, Gilby. He's married to her.
Why does everything in my life turn out to be a disappointment?
Come on, man. It's train wrecks like you
that make us feel good about ourselves.
I'm kidding.
I'm kinda kidding.
Right before I was to walk down the aisle,
my little ol' great-grandmother
pulls me aside and tells me, "Ria, you need to know...
"a man's nature is a burden on a woman."
"Now, go get married."
Oh, it's true, though. That's good.
So, Eric, how's everything goin' at the office?
- Great, yeah. - It's good?
And you guys are doin' similar as you had done before,
except this is now your company.
Yeah. Digital design, branding, interactive campaigns.
- That kinda thing. - It's goin' well?
Doin' great. We're expanding. I've got this exciting, uh...
little gig in Paris,
and I need to find someone to look after things while I'm gone.
Well, you were talking about your design company
that you used to own.
I mean, maybe he could help you out.
I'm sorry. You said what?
Oh, right, earlier. Yeah, we were talk...
I was telling Rachel about, um,
my, uh, uh, design company.
I ran a company, and sold it years ago.
Really? I find this fascinating.
- I'm fascinated. - What kinda work did you guys do?
Uh, i-it was the same kinda thing.
Design, branding, uh, interactive campaigning.
- Yeah. - Wow! That's great.
We don't-we don't have to talk shop, by the way,
if you don't want to because...
I don't mind. I don't mind.
Fantastic. This Paris thing, it just popped up,
and I've been worried that I wasn't gonna find someone to cover for me.
Is that something that you'd be interested in, or...
Um, I'm certainly not on the cutting edge,
like I used to be, um,
but I'm always curious to see what the kids are up to.
Look, I don't wanna monopolize the conversation.
No, no, it's fine. It's...
Uh, but why don't you come by on Monday,
and we can-we can, uh, talk there?
Uh, great, yeah. Let's do it, Monday.
Great.
- Hey. - Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
So, I guess I might have to put my spiritual quest on hold,
in order to help out your husband.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.
- I don't know why I did. - It's fine. I'm kidding.
It's totally fine. I probably deserve it for earlier.
Yeah.
Do you need help here? There's a lotta dishes.
No, no, I got it. I'm good. Thank you.
You know, I can't believe it's taken so long,
but they're finally bringing competitive dish curling into the Olympics.
- You should look into it. - Oh, you should see me carry garbage.
Oh, please, garbage is one of my greatest weaknesses.
- Oh, really? - Yes.
You must have to go to the gym to do all this.
- It takes endurance. - No, just yoga sometimes.
- Yoga? Oh, cool, cool. - Yeah.
I'm-I'm totally into yoga.
- Really? - Yeah, I love it.
What kind?
What kind? Oh, well, of course, there's multiple kinds.
I, uh, I love it...
Uh, you know, the... It's weight.
Weight yoga?
- Yeah. - Oh, okay.
Uh, for weight loss?
Uh, well, no, I mean, it's-it's yoga,
but it's weight-it's weight lifting.
It's mostly for men, so you might not have...
But, lifting weights makes your muscles more stiff...
- right? - Yes, no, it...
- Yes, exact... You're right. - Yeah.
You're absolutely right.
You get stiff, and then you need to do more yoga.
- It's sort of a capitalist approach to the whole thing. - Okay.
You just keep-keep going to class.
Well, you should-you should try Rama yoga.
The teachers are-are really great.
- Really? - Yeah.
- That's where you go? - Yeah.
The Monday night class is awesome.
Monday nights?
That's when I have, um, my Gangnam yoga class,
but maybe I can move somethin' around.
- There's no weights, though. - No weights?
- More traditional. - More traditional?
- If you can handle it. - More-more like yoga, you're saying.
- More like yoga. Actual yoga, yeah. - More like real... Yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah, maybe I'll check it out.
It sounds like fun.
So, you now run a successful company?
- Uh-huh. - What the hell is that?
I'm projecting a successful image.
Thank you very much.
All right, I appreciate the effort.
Not necessarily experimenting on my family, but...
Oh, come on. Have a-have a little faith.
I won't ruin the company.
It's only a couple weeks.
Just answer phone calls, shirk responsibility.
And, by the way, I-I think you owe me,
having tricked me into going there in the first place.
That's fair. That's true.
Seems like you had a blast.
It's just too bad you spent all the time talking to Rachel.
Yeah, I was having a much better time talking to, uh,
auntie what's-her-face and uncle scoliosis.
Scoliosis, yeah. Nicest guy.
- Oh! - Jesus, mom!
- God. - Don't be so dramatic.
I didn't even know you could still do that,
whatever that is.
Well, we're not dead yet.
Yeah, too bad!
I can still hear you!
Uh, excuse me.
I'm looking for Eric Stone's office.
Thank you.
There's nothing I can do to make this better.
I got it fair and square, all right?
Yeah, well, if he'd wanted to offer more,
then he should've offered more.
If you have a real issue with it, y...
No, I didn't say, "See me in court."
We're do-we're done with this conversation.
Yeah, bye, Mom.
Um, okay.
Uh, basically...
things are running pretty smoothly here.
I just-I don't-I don't need my team tempted
- while I'm gone. - Yeah.
Don't get me wrong. They're-they're hard workers.
- I just want it to stay that way. - Yeah.
It's pretty simple. I'm looking for a babysitter.
Oh, yeah. No-no-no, I-I know the drill.
You know, been there. Paid for that.
Yeah.
So, um, Kevin tells Rachel that you guys are pretty close?
Oh, yeah, ver-very close.
He had some nice things to say about you.
Yeah? Hey, well, if they're nice, they're true.
So, why'd you sell your company, Gilby?
The question.
Uh, good-good question.
Um, seriously, it, uh, it was time.
Yeah, okay, good. So, look, I'm always looking for good people.
Especially people I'm told I can trust.
Oh, well, absolutely.
Why don't we give this a shot, see how it goes.
Yeah, you got it, boss, yeah.
All right, let me introduce you to the team.
Brad's an asshole, but the rest are pretty good.
Guys, everyone, listen up. This is Gilby Smalls.
He's gonna be overseeing things for me while I'm gone.
I thought you said that I was gonna look after the group.
Well, Brad, you really need to focus on your work.
And don't interrupt when I'm talking to the group.
You guys won't even know I'm here.
Just don't make any mistakes.
Gilby used to run his own media company,
so don't be afraid to ask him anything, really.
Uh, what was the name of that company?
Imagine, Inc.
Imagine, Inc. is not a media company.
Brad.
Imagining, Inc.
Imagining.
Imagining, uh, Design, to be exact.
Technically, The Imagining Design Company.
Yeah, the old IDC, she was somethin'.
Great. So, even though I'm not here, I'm here.
All right?
Let me show you the game room.
Come on.
Game? Game?
We have a game room?
Is this yoga?
Hi. Shh.
Hi.
Hey.
Take off your shoes.
Oh, my God. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Hi.
- Oh. - First time?
No, I've yoga'd before. I was yoga'ing yesterday.
Okay.
Well, um, here you go.
- I don't need a belt. - It's okay.
Go ahead.
Try to use this disruption in your meditation.
Watch your thoughts and see what comes up for you.
Very nice.
Remember to breathe.
Beautiful job.
Nice.
Hey, hey-hey-hey, don't force it.
- It's not a competition. - Yeah.
Why don't you just rest in Child's Pose?
No, thank you. I... Thank you.
I appreciate it, but I can do this.
Well, at least use the wall for support.
I got it, okay?
Child's Pose.
I got it.
Oh, God, are you okay?
Ow!
I got it.
Rachel.
- Hi. - Oh, hey.
- Hey. - I'm-I'm so glad you came.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- How's your back? - Oh, it's fine.
Only several hairline fractures.
Oh, right, right. You should probably get a body cast.
- Yeah, exact... - Help you out. You know, straighten you up.
Sure, yeah, exactly. Minor body cast injury.
Yeah, no major body cast.
Rach, what a great class.
Yeah, wasn't it amazing?
It was. Yeah.
- Gilby, this is Ann and Andy. - Hi, brother.
That was quite some flop in there.
- Don't worry. It happens. - Really? That's a relief.
I've never seen it,
but I'm sure it's happened to someone.
Are you going to the sweat lodge this weekend?
I don't know.
I'm thinking about it, you know?
Maybe. You guys wanna grab a bite to eat?
I'd love to. Yeah.
- Oh, no, we can't. - We can't.
We're gonna be late for Reiki class.
Breaky? What is that?
It sounds dangerous.
Reiki. You know, like chakras.
What you just epically misaligned in there.
Here, let me take a feel.
- It's happening. - I'm just gonna jump right in.
- Raw food? Do you wanna get some? - Anything.
- Okay. - Wow.
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We're gonna go, so...
Pleasure was mine.
Yeah.
He's emitting a lot of heat from down there.
Mm-hmm.
She better watch out.
I think it's actually really good for our marriage.
You know, when you're together all the time,
it's so easy to get stuck in a rut,
but, being apart makes you appreciate
what you really have.
Wow!
You must really like wasabi.
What is it they say?
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just...
That's so sad.
- What's so sad? - I don't know.
I think your story, but I'm sensitive.
- I'm very sensitive. - Oh, wow!
No, I think that's-I think that's really great,
you know, for a man to be so in touch
with his core emotion.
I wish Eric was more like that, you know?
I keep trying to get him to come to these classes,
but he's just not interested.
It would help him become more centered,
and it would help us to connect on a more spiritual level.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, definitely. Definitely.
I always say, uh,
if you're not growing together,
you're growing apart.
Exactly!
Like the sweat lodge.
I really wanna go, but, he will never go.
You know, he's just... Work is always first.
I'm just tired of it.
You can still go.
Right.
Am I gonna go by myself? No.
Well, I don't know. I was thinking about going.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You would wanna go? - Yeah, why not?
Yeah, let's go.
Sweat lodge. It sounds fun.
You think so? Okay.
All right, yeah. No, I would-I would...
I'd really like that, Gilby.
Oh, my God, look at that. You really loved your food.
I hate mine, so let me just give you that.
Uh...
Oh, I don't even know what...
You just put it all-you just put it all on there.
Since you like that wasabi, let me just get that on there.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Come on.
Mmm.
- Hello? - Hey.
- Hey, it's me. - Uh, look, Gilby,
I don't really have time to walk, right now.
I-I-I just wanna say, I've just been thinking,
- and you were right. - Okay. You know what?
If this is some sort of a trick to try to get back together,
- I'm... - No, no, it's-it's not.
I should have been a better partner.
You deserve that, and you were right to leave me.
Oh, well, thank you.
No, thank you.
Look, I-I just really want you to be happy.
I really want you to be happy, too.
- Get off the phone! I'm expecting a call. - I'm, uh...
- Is that your mother? - Yeah, yeah.
I'm taking care of her.
She-she broke both her hips stepping into traffic.
The doctors think it's dementia.
She-she must be having another episode.
I-I have to go, okay?
- Okay. - Your mom both broke of her...
Hello?
That's such a weird relationship.
They make phones with buttons now.
Did you know?
I'm aware.
Wow!
It's so beautiful out here, isn't it?
Yeah.
Hi.
- Hey. - Hey.
Love the face paint. Whose idea was that?
Uh, we actually both did it on our own.
Isn't it amazing?
We're so much on the same energy field.
We even think the same.
Even, like, psychically, we're on the same plane.
Totally.
Same plane. That's great.
You can carry each other's baggage.
That was a good one.
I don't think I get it.
Well, stay warm.
Thanks.
Let's gather some wood, right?
That seems too be the thing to do.
We'll see you inside.
- That was weird. - Mmm.
Ooh.
Perfect.
What's your power animal, brother?
Sorry, what? I... Power animal?
It's the animal that guides you in your dream world.
Mine's a cricket.
Well, that's an insect.
It came to me in a vision. It's my power animal.
Power insect.
What's your problem, brother?
Is there anyone here who's never done this before?
No-no-no-no, I did this all the time,
when I was a kid.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You did? - Yeah.
- Helped build it. - Mmm... okay.
Right.
I'm Broken Wing.
I will be your sweat lodge guide and master.
We will begin by collecting stones for the fire.
And inside, I will tell you
that the temperatures will rise to well over 150 degrees.
- Oh. - Inside, I wish you to sweat out the technology,
sweat out the Facebook, sweat the Twitter,
the Tumblr, the Huffington Post, CNN.
Eliminate it from your body.
If the spirit tells you to remove your clothing, then you remove it.
You listen to that spirit, 'cause if you don't do it now,
you never will.
Let's sweat.
- I can't breathe. - I know. It's hot.
I can't breathe.
- I think I'm suffocating. - I know. It's hot.
No, I think I'm suffocating.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
I'm suffocating.
I gotta get the hell outta here.
- I gotta get out. - No, hey-hey-hey-hey.
Hey, hey, this is sacred space.
Now, bow to the mother.
Oh, bowing doesn't do anything.
- You're not bowing. - I'm bowing.
I'm bowing.
You're a butterfly. Now, bow.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Now, bow.
I gotta get the hell outta here.
- Chill out. - The fat lady's blocking the door.
Who are you callin' fat, you little jerk?
Bow.
Help me.
Get your hands out of the water!
The door is too heavy.
Ah!
I'll punch you in your face, man!
No. Oh, no.
Oh, my God!
Okay, let's keep going. Just ignore him.
That's not even the door.
Rachel, get the car keys!
Okay.
Ah-ah.
Oh, my God. That was so embarrassing.
Well, let's get that sneaker off.
Okay. Couch, couch.
- Careful. - All right.
I know it was nuts. I know that.
But, I feel like I had a really clear vision today.
- Oh, come on, you're kidding me. - No, no, I'm serious.
I realize I've been a-I've been a really lousy sister
to Kevin, and I wanna-I wanna do something for him.
I mean, maybe I wanna throw a-a surprise birthday dinner.
I don't know.
Here, let me help.
Well, okay, well, be-be careful.
Okay, okay.
I mean, did-did you feel at all transformed?
Transformed? Yes.
I-I've been completely transformed into a cripple.
No, I'm serious.
I mean, you can't be exposed to such powerful experiences
without being affected a little, right?
- Does burned count as affected? - Are you making fun of me?
- You're totally making fun of me. - I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm sor... I-I mean, I guess.
It was very intense.
You know, maybe I was affected without realizing it.
Oh, come on, your burn's not that bad.
What do you know?
What are you now, a-a burn specialist?
This place is ridiculous.
Thanks.
Okay, wait. Is this FDA approved?
Or is this a-a Broken Wing product?
Okay, that's... Ah! Ow-ow-ow!
- Oh, oh. - Oh, no, no, no! Stop, please.
- Ow! - Don't be such a baby.
Please, no. No more! No more!
Didn't your dad tell you never to cry in front of a girl?
No, actually, I didn't have a father.
Did he-did he pass away before you were born?
No... Oh, no.
No, I-I never met my father.
I don't know anything about him.
How could you not know anything about your father?
Um, well, my mom was still on her free love trip.
Well, maybe that's it.
I mean, maybe that's your revelation.
Gilby, you never had a-a male figure to look up to.
Uh, you probably have identity issues.
- I can't identify with that. - I'm being serious.
Did you have any male role model?
I looked up to Han Solo.
I meant someone you knew.
No.
Huh? Well, there you go.
I mean, maybe you should look into it.
That's all I'm saying.
Somehow, I don't think it's that simple.
I-I don't know.
I think everything happens for a reason.
And maybe-maybe that's why we met,
so you could have this revelation.
Trust me. I've got really good instincts about this kinda thing.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Well, maybe you're wrong.
Or maybe you just needed to hear this at the right time,
from the right person.
I'm just saying.
Here, let me-let me go wash these for you.
You should probably burn them.
I was worried. You said it was important.
Don't overreact. I just wanted to talk.
Okay, okay, sorry. Yeah, hi.
Hi. How are you?
I'm good. I'm good. Come on.
Can you please tell me what this is about?
I mean, I thought, like, your mother died or something.
- How can you even say that? - You know, I mean, sorry.
- Like, maybe your cat. - Gilby.
Okay, no one died.
Just, you know, levels of concern.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi.
- Anyway. - Yeah.
You look good.
Thanks, thanks. You, too.
Heard about your job. Congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, well, yeah. Yes, it's going well.
Seems like you really have it all together.
Yeah, I wouldn't go that far, but...
Um...
I just feel like I was impatient with you,
or selfish.
That's not true.
- I was a real jerk. - Well...
No, I'm just... I'm just kidding.
I-I-I, um...
I mean, I did the right thing,
because we were-we just were really stagnant.
You feel that way, right?
Yeah. No, I know.
It's, really... It's fine.
I mean, let's just forget about it.
You know, what's the point of digging up the past?
Yeah.
I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Gilby.
I'm sorry, too.
I missed you.
I'm glad we can be friends.
Yeah, yeah, me, too.
You're drinking now?
What? It's a nightcap.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Oh, honey, I don't need a lecture right now.
No, nothin' like that.
I-I-I just wanna ask you about some stuff.
- What stuff? - Well...
about my father.
Oh, not this, again.
How many times do I have to tell you?
Do you know how many guys I slept with?
I have no idea.
How can that be?
Well, it was a different time then.
There were no DNA tests.
Everybody deserves to know about their father.
How can I know myself
if-if I don't even know where I came from?
You came from Brooklyn. Happy?
That's not good enough.
I-I-I don't understand.
Why-why can't it be enough for you
that it was and it is just you and me?
I never thought it mattered, but now...
I think I need this.
James Lance.
- What? - Yeah.
He was an old boyfriend. He was in the Marines.
He traveled all over the world.
Now, how's that for a role model?
This is great. This is great!
How-how can I get in touch with him?
Now, why would you do that?
He doesn't know anything about you.
This is exactly why I didn't tell you in the first place.
Well, I'm sure he would wanna know.
Just let sleeping dogs lie.
You asked me, and I told you.
Now, just promise me, you'll drop this.
Okay, I promise.
Oh, boy, what a-what a interesting conversation.
Oh, God. Thank you.
Don't make such a big deal about it.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm great.
Good.
Oh, Jeez.
Yeah?
Oh, come on.
Zuck-zucky, stop.
Zucky, sorry. Wait a sec.
Mark Zuckerberg.
Zuck, look, Billy can come,
but I don't want any drinking.
I don't want any incidents.
And he's not in the pool this year.
And no Russians.
We'll-we'll still have fun.
Branson's gonna be there.
He says we're gonna get galactic.
Whatever that means.
Okay, I gotta go. One of my kids walked in.
I know, I know. Back in the game.
Oh, shut up. All right.
Sorry about that.
Some-some of the boys do an annual get together.
This year, we're going to Larry's Island,
and, well, apparently, a billion dollars can't cure addiction, okay?
Anyway, what's up? Shoot.
I, uh, I was wondering if you had a second
to help out with a technical problem.
Always got a sec for the tech.
Have you-have you tried turning off the computer,
waiting 15 seconds?
Oh, yeah, we, uh, we jiggled the handle, too.
Still won't flush.
Maybe you should take this a little more seriously.
Well, let's take a look.
I'll see what I can do.
Sure.
Let's do it.
Just gonna use the bathroom. I'll be right in.
Hey...
So, uh, Brad, where are we on that, uh, problem?
Oh, we got it.
- You got it? - Problem solved.
Already? Ah, come on!
I was getting ready to roll up my sleeves.
Get my hands dirty.
- What was it? What was it... - It was...
There was a little code smell, but we cleared it right up.
Code smell? I thought that was me.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Everybody remember to, you know,
empty your trash and-and save.
Right? Okay. Back to work.
Yeah, uh, actually, uh, Gilby, um,
I tried to look up your company,
but I couldn't find any mention of it anywhere.
Which, is strange for any tech company.
Yeah, not for the game changers.
We buried her deep.
Yeah, lawsuits.
- Lawsuits? - Yeah.
Oh, well, the whole game was so different back then.
It was the Wild West.
But it doesn't even apply now, so boring you.
Not interested.
Actually, I'm very interested.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Good, good.
I like that about you. Stay curious, kid.
Between you and me,
I think you're bigger than this place.
Oh, I don't know. It's...
Oh, damn it.
Hey, Kev.
Well, what's up, man?
Dude, I feel like you've been blowing me off.
I'm-I'm not blowing you off. We're talking.
Wait, hold on. I got another call.
Yeah.
- Hey! - Hey.
Hey, do you wanna go hear a Tibetan monk speak tomorrow?
Yes, I love Tibetan monks. Listen, listen.
You won't believe what happened last night.
- What? Tell me. - You'll never guess.
Okay, so, tell me.
I found out who my father is.
Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?
The old bat finally cracked and told me.
Wow, I don't-I don't believe it.
Did she just give you his number?
Oh, come on. Let's not get crazy.
I had to sneak into her stuff and find it.
But, yes, yes, I have the number. Yes.
- Well, how do you feel? - God, I don't know.
It's like a hole I didn't even realize was there
has now been filled.
- Seriously. - You have to go see him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know about that.
- Come on. - No, no.
You-you have to go.
Well, would you come with me?
Uh, yeah, I'm going with you.
What, you think you're gonna cut me out now?
No, I'm-I'm going. I'm going.
Thank you.
You're amazing.
Well, I know.
Okay, I'll talk to you later.
Oh.
Gilby?
Gilby? Gilby?
Gil... Great.
Are you sure this is it?
Positive. That's the address.
Well, where did you find it?
- My mom's address book. - Oh.
Yeah, Sergeant James Lance.
- Oh, impressive. - Hmm?
- You're an Army brat. - Oh, yeah.
Yes, ma'am.
Or Marines, actually, yeah.
Whatever happened to "leave no man behind"?
So, how do you know he still lives here?
I called.
Wait, you called?
You called? Why didn't you tell me?
What'd he say? What'd he say?
What happened? Tell me everything.
Okay, okay, okay. Nothin' happened.
I just called. His wife answered, and I asked for him,
and she went to get him, and then I hung up.
Why did you hang up?
Well, I just had to verify his whereabouts.
- What? - I even spoke with a little accent,
so they couldn't trace me.
That doesn't even make sense.
Is Mr. James Lance home?
So, what's your plan? What are you gonna do?
I don't know. I guess I'm gonna knock on the door.
Maybe we should buy a gift basket,
- or, like, a bottle of wine. - You used an accent?
That's so ridiculous.
- Oh, my God. Is that him? - Oh, no. You think that's...
Oh, my God. Do you think that's him?
It seems like the right age.
- It's his address. - Let's follow him.
- Follow him? Are you crazy? - We have to follow him.
- That's, like, illegal. - What? No!
You can't follow him. He's a Marine.
He's probably armed. He's like a deadly weapon.
This could be your dad.
We're doing it.
Okay, do you know what you're doing?
- No, I don't. - Just keep us a distance. Okay, good.
Like, maybe five car lengths.
Oh, my God. This is awesome!
I feel like I'm doing a hit or something.
Have you ever done this before?
No, I've never followed someone.
- That's creepy. - Okay.
- I think he's on to us. - There's no way.
Who knows? My mom said he was in the Marines,
but who knows after that?
Maybe the Navy Seal Special Forces.
- Making a right, right. - Okay, I'm going. I'm going.
- I'm just saying-I'm just saying, don't lose him. - No, I'm not gonna lose him.
- Where is he going? - I don't know.
It just seems like he's goin' in circles.
I don't know where he's going!
- Are you serious? - Hmm?
Are you serious with the hood?
- Stop it! God. - Go, go.
What are you waiting for? Just go.
I am not ready yet. Would you give me a minute?
What do you have to be ready for?
He's right there.
- I need a drink first. - Seriously?
- I need a drink first. - This is not gonna get any easier.
It's just gonna keep getting harder.
You just gotta do it. You just gotta do it.
I-I under-I under... I understand that.
- You have to man up. - Would you-would you give me a minute?
Would you give me a minute?
- Will you have a drink with me? - I will have a drink with you.
- Just will you have... - I will have one drink with you.
I will have one drink. That's it.
We have to have a drink. We're at a bar. They'll know.
- Then they'll kick us outta here. - They'll know what? You're freaking out.
Excuse me?
Two scotch on the rocks, please.
Yeah, I guess I'll have the same.
I mean, not, uh, two more.
I just... Not four.
Just two scotches, like she said.
One order of two. One each.
Uh, a scotch on the rocks for the lady,
and I'll have a scotch on the rocks myself,
and that will be it for us, tonight.
You need to pull it together.
One drink, and then you're gonna go.
Fine, one drink.
It's too much.
Oh, oh.
Oh, God, excuse me.
All right, let's go somewhere else.
- Yeah, yeah, let's do it. - Let's go to another bar.
- I mean, why not, right? - I know a good spot.
- No! No, no, we can't. - What? Why not?
- Your dad. - Oh, my God, my dad.
That's why we're here. Your dad.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, go.
- Whoa! - Go.
Oh, my God, I just fell over.
Oh, my God, you totally just fell over.
- What happened? - That was so weird.
You just, like, you just, like, fell.
- Oh, God, wow. - What happened to you?
- I need to switch to beer. - Wow.
Um, another round?
- No, I'm so tipsy. - Tipsy?
- No, no more. No more. - We're wasted.
- We are wasted. - I just fell over.
Uh, bartend... Sorry, ma'am.
I mean, uh, another round.
Yeah, for me and all my friends!
Hey, go on, go on.
- What? - Just forget I said that. That was weird.
Okay, go. Weird.
- Okay, go, go, go. - We're gonna make a scene.
- Go. You have to go. - Wait. w-w-wait.
What are you afraid of?
Maybe he won't like me.
What?
That's crazy. What's not to like?
I mean... you're funny,
and you're smart,
and you're successful,
and-and you're handsome.
I mean, I don't... What?
You really think all of that?
Yeah.
I really do.
Oh!
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Take it off. Take 'em off.
- Oh, shit! - Oh, it's fine. It's fine.
Come on!
God.
Almost there.
Stay on target.
- Hey. - What the hell are you doing here?
Are you...
Are you serious?
Jesus. Will you relax?
Are you crazy?
- I mean, are you... - With that? Are you serious?
- No. - Wow!
Don't worry. I told 'em I needed to drop something off for Eric.
- It's fine. - What-what-what? What does he need?
Why didn't he just email me?
- I can handle it. I'm-I'm fine. - Seriously?
I-I've got... everything set up.
Forget about Eric. It was just an excuse.
I needed to talk to you in person.
Oh, God. Thank God.
I mean, I'm fine here on my own.
- Okay. - Okay.
Last night was a huge mistake.
Absolutely.
And I need to be absolutely clear with you
that it cannot continue in any way.
Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
I mean, it can never happen again.
Never, never. I know.
- I know. - Right?
- Right. Right. - Right.
We're not bad people.
I'm not a ba... I know you're not a bad person,
- but I'm not a bad person. - We're good people.
- That was bad. - That was bad.
That was really bad.
- I was outta control and... - We were out of control.
I've never been so, uh, wildly...
You know, it was wild. It was-it was...
- I never... - ...out of control is my life.
That's not us, right?
That was not me last night.
- That was like two animals. - No, listen. Wild animals.
Sort of exploded.
- It was wrong. - A terrifying pornographic film.
It was wild.
I think you should go talk to your dad.
Oh... I feel ridiculous.
What am I gonna say?
I don't know. Don't think about it.
Just-just let it happen.
I don't know.
Knowing me, I'll just, you know, mess it all up,
and I'll-I'll blurt it out at the wrong time.
Well, you'll know when the time is right.
I love you.
- Don't say that. - I do. Why not?
- No, don't-no, don't say that. - I...
I know this can work.
No, I-I love my life, my-my home.
Yeah, you didn't say your husband.
We talked about this.
I-I told you that the only way I could continue
was if we were done by the time Eric got home.
You told me you understood.
Right? I mean, you said it yourself,
that we could treat this like a vacation
from our boring lives.
I know what I said,
but I don't know how to stop now.
I didn't think I was gonna feel this way.
Well, me neither. I mean, I...
I'm married.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
You're still coming tomorrow, right?
What's tomorrow?
The surprise birthday dinner that I'm throwing for Kevin.
- Did you forget? - I... Are you crazy?
I can't come to your house.
- I can't see Eric. I-I can't. - Are you... No, no.
You have to come. It's done.
You're coming, right?
I don't-I don't know any of Kevin's other friends.
You're the only one I invited.
I'm...
- Okay, okay. - Okay?
Okay, I'll come if you promise me one thing.
- Okay, what? - I know we can work.
Please, just think about it. Just think about it, okay?
Please?
- Okay. - Okay?
Okay.
God, it's just-it's just so good to hear.
Old May, she's still doin' well?
Yeah, she's doin' well.
I... Hey, listen.
Look, thanks for meeting with me.
I, uh... The reason I called was, um...
All right, here it goes.
I'm your son.
What?
Yeah, yeah. I'm-I'm-I'm your son.
- And you're sure? - Yeah, yeah, I'm...
She just told me.
Oh, oh, Jeez. That's heavy stuff.
- I know. I... - That's heavy stuff.
I'm not a kid. That's heavy stuff.
I know, I know, I know.
I mean, I-I-I don't know what to do, you know?
I don't-I don't know what we should do now.
Give your old man a hug. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
You're my boy, then you'll be my boy from this moment on.
Give us another round here, me and my son, right here.
Go ahead.
Oh, thank-thank you. Thank you. I was...
God, you're so cool.
Thank you... Dad.
Dad. Oh, Jesus, Dad.
Nobody ever called me that in my life.
I never was a dad.
- You know what's really unbelievable? - What?
For a kid in his 40's, you're so beautiful.
Come on. You gotta be great.
- You got her genes. - No, uh, not-not 40's.
I'm-I'm 31.
No, but it can't be, buddy. It can't be.
I haven't been with May in over 40 years.
Well, you must be remembering wrong, because...
No, no, kid, they-they sent me to war.
I got shipped out to Vietnam in 1969.
I mean, May and I were-were well over by then.
Well over. The timing is wrong.
I'm not your dad. Give me the drink anyway.
Give me the drink anyway. Don't worry about it.
Come on. Jesus. Come on, have your drink.
Come on. Have your drink.
- Thank you. - I'm sorry.
It's over.
All right.
I can't believe you!
Do you know how much money this is gonna cost me in therapy?
You said it would help you if you had a father,
so I gave you a father.
Can't you hear how crazy that is?
- It-it's like the Dumbo story. - What?
What the hell is the Dumbo story?
The crows gave him a magic feather, so he could fly,
but he didn't really need it.
He could fly by himself,
but he didn't have the confidence.
What are you talking about?
Didn't I take you to see "Dumbo," when you were little?
- No! - Oh, what about "The Wizard of Oz"?
- No! - Oh, would you like to see them now?
No! I don't wanna watch them now!
How could you be so dishonest?
I never claimed that I was above lying.
Hey, guys, morning. Morning. Good morning.
Hey, Brad, where's that memo I asked for?
I'm just kidding. No memo.
Last day humor. See ya.
Can you hang on a second? Let me just finish this.
Okay, it's fine. Just don't be late, please.
I'm not gonna be late. Hang on just two seconds.
I'm gonna go run the errands.
Then I will go pick everything up and...
- Hey. - There's the man.
Gilby, hang on. Let me just send this.
Uh, okay, I can help, literally...
- Hang on a second. - Gary, on two.
Can you please hold him? I wanna talk to him.
I've been trying to reach him all day.
I'm gonna go.
I might be able to help you in 15 minutes.
Just call me then. It's fine.
I'll see both of you, um, later.
- Yeah. - Bye. Au revoir.
You want me to help with her?
Could you help her with the groceries?
It will take ten minutes, then come back, and I want a full recap.
- Sure, yeah. See ya. Good to see ya. - Okay, okay, Gilby.
Okay, put him on.
Hey.
- What are you doing? - I told Eric I'd help you.
Hi. Excuse me. Hi.
What?
- When? When? - I can't do this right now.
- I don't know. - Gilby.
Hey, man.
- How are you? - Hey.
Wow, look at you.
You're lookin' bloody fantastic.
How are... This is Rachel.
- Hey. Hey. - Oh, hi.
Uh, what was your name?
- Sorry. Calvin. - Calvin.
Calvin. Calvin. Did I not say that?
So, how do you guys know each other?
I'm dating Gilby's sister, Sharon.
Oh, I didn't-I didn't know you had a sister.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know what?
- You guys should come to my dinner party tonight. - No!
- No? - No, I'm sure they can't.
- I'm sure you have plans. - No, we're totally free.
- We really are. Yes. - You're kidding.
- That's great! - That is great.
It's actually Gilby's best friend's...
- My brother's birthday. - Okay.
- Does Kevin know your sister? - My what?
Uh, I mean, Sharon, yes. Yeah, Kevin knows Sharon.
- Well, this is great. - That's great.
Okay, so, I'm thinking, um, eightish.
- Is that... Does that work? - No, that works.
- Perfect. - Well, or-or don't.
You know, 8. I'm sorry.
She's usually not such a fascist.
I'm sorry.
Come by at 8.
At 8:30, the trains leave, you know?
- Settle down. - Come on.
- It's gonna be fine. - I don't know.
- It sounds like lots of fun, actually. - I don't know.
Hey, buddy, it was great bumping into you guys.
Really, you're lookin' great.
To think I was just about to walk right past ya.
Imagine that.
No, imagine if that had happened instead.
I don't know. What would have happened?
Eight p.m. You're all set, yeah.
Eight p.m. is fine. Great.
- So, I'll see you tonight. - Wonderful.
Unless you can't make it.
In which case, don't worry about it.
It's not a big deal if you have to cancel.
- Essentially, forget it. - Hey, Gilby, I think he's got it.
- I... - He's got it.
- Okay. - Okay.
So, I'll see you tonight, guys.
Okay, great. Thank you, by the way.
- Oh, no worries. Nice to meet you. - Or maybe not.
If-if somethin' else comes up.
- I'll see you tonight. - I'm gonna see you tonight, as well, okay?
- Wait, wait. Rachel! - Tonight!
Oh, shit.
Hey, Eric.
- Hey, Brad. - Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?
Not a good time. I'm already late.
- It's real important. - Brad, please, can this wait?
Actually, Eric, we should talk about it right now.
I don't-I don't know where Eric is.
I'm sure he'll be here any minute.
I don't know what's keeping him.
So, how about, in the meantime,
- we listen to some music or something? - Music.
- Yeah? Good one? - That's a great idea.
You wanna show me?
Sharon, I was... The other day...
I'm gonna...
No, I'm gonna... Yeah.
Hey-hey-hey, have-have you thought about...
- No. - No, no, you haven't?
We're not doing this.
What is goin' on here?
I'm trying to crack a vault or something.
What is going on here?
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, hey. - You're avoiding me, man. I can tell.
- What's goin' on? - What are you talking about?
I'm here at your-your birthday party.
Kicking and screaming, you came here.
You don't wanna call me. You don't return...
Hey, guys! Can I talk to you for a second?
- I was actually talking to him... - Just a second, though.
- Who's helping Melvin? - You should come with me.
- Okay, okay. - Here you go. Thank you.
- Sharon, I... - Come on.
Can I help with this? Turn the music on.
Music... I don't know how to work the god...
- Rachel, do you know how to... - Kevin, not now!
Whatever happened to "Happy Birthday" and a smile?
These all-in-one remotes never work.
I have no idea what is going on.
You think anyone else is gonna join us here?
God, I hope not.
Isn't this place really great?
Hey, who is she? Are you with her?
What? What? Rachel? Are you kidding?
She is my boss' wife, for God sakes.
What does that have to do with anything?
Well... Oh, hey, hey!
- Do you know how to work this thing? - Eric's here! Hey!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, my God!
- That's for sleeping with my wife! - Calm down.
- What? - Are you crazy, Eric? Calm down!
I know everything, Rachel. Don't deny it!
- What are you talking about? - How could you?
You all need to just calm down.
This is one big misunderstanding.
Look, it's impossible for Gilby to sleep with your wife.
- Yes. - And why is that?
Because Gilby is gay.
- What? - What?
Yeah.
- You're gay? - Yeah.
- Okay. - Oh, Jesus.
Guys... I am gay.
I'm gay. So, we're gay.
No, I'm not gay!
All right, I admit it, Rachel and I were together.
- What? - You were cheating on me? You asshole!
- What are you doing? - Excuse me, what?
You're sleeping with your brother?
- Oh, my God, you are sick! - What is wrong with you?
What kind of degenerate are you?
- No, no. - That's sick. That's bad.
No, no.
She's not my sister!
Then who is she?
I am Gilby's girlfriend.
- What? - Kind of.
- Ex! Ex-girlfriend! - What the hell is goin' on?
Why don't you tell Rachel about your company, Gilby?
- What are you talking about? - He never had a company.
Brad ran a background search on this creep.
He's a complete scam artist.
It sounds worse than it is.
So, you lied to me about everything.
No, I was never more honest in my life
than when I was lying about all that stuff.
Gilby, You know what? I need you to get out.
I wasn't lying when I said I loved you.
Would everybody stop hitting me?
Oh, my!
Everyone get the hell out of my house. Now!
I have just one question.
If you press the auxiliary 2 button,
is that the video monitor, or the...
Get out!
Ow.
Well, you must just be so proud of yourself.
Oh, give it a rest, Sharon.
I started seeing her after you broke up with me.
- Did you, really? - Yeah.
Do you really love her?
I'm standing right here, guys.
- Do you mind? - Oh, really? Is that where you are?
Hey, in fairness to long hair McCat here,
he's the only one who hasn't been full of shit all night.
My birthday night.
Thanks.
Happy birthday.
- Oh, happy birthday, - Oh, that's so nice.
I honestly wish you'd never been born.
I've never had a worse time.
- Hey, do you? - What?
- Do you love her? - Why?
Why d-why do you care? What does it matter?
She obviously hates me.
Sharon, can we just go?
Just you go. Just-just go home, okay?
I just need to talk to him for a minute.
You know what? Fine!
- Do you love her? - What about Calvin?
- You love him? - No.
Well, what do you expect? You screwed me over, Sharon.
- I'm sorry. - Oh, come on.
- Come on. - Gilby, I'm sorry.
Come on, stop.
Come on.
Come on. Don't cry.
What was the word you used? "Seeking?"
Yeah, that's why you needed the gurus and the yogis.
That's why we spent all that money,
because they needed to help you
on your path to-to spiritual enlightenment.
And yet, you're completely morally bankrupt.
- I'm not... - I haven't finished yet!
What happened to your quest for the truth?
I'm not happy!
Eric, I'm not happy,
and I haven't been for a very long time.
How can you not be happy? I've given you everything,
and you're still not satisfied!
That's exactly it, right there, what you just said.
It was never about any of this, okay?
Listen, I am not trying to make any excuses
because I know I screwed up.
And I never intentionally meant to hurt you.
Well, you got what you needed...
permanent change.
My God.
Everything's great.
I mean, I finally understand what it means
to be in a-in a real relationship, now.
And we moved in together, and th-that's great.
Uh, I got a great job.
Our future looks great.
Hey, Gil, look what just came in.
What? Oh, wow, look!
This is so cool. Look at you!
Hey-hey, I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
Listen, can we promise to just
never lie to each other again?
- Absolutely. - Yeah?
I promise.
But, if you ever have a meaningless affair,
I don't wanna hear about it.
What-what... That would be lying.
Well, not if I don't ask.
Why? Did you sleep with Calvin?
Gilby, I already told you. I didn't do that.
You don't need to ask again.
- You wanna know why he never made a move on you? - Why?
I told him you'd like him a lot more if he didn't kiss you.
Yeah, I was like, "Hey, I know my sister,
"and if you move too fast, she will dump you."
You are so smart.
Yeah.
Sharon was wild in bed.
She was crazed all the time, really.
Like, she wore me out.
Oh, God. So you loved it?
It was fun.
All right, I shouldn't have asked.
Hey...
you aren't, um, jealous, are you?
No, I'm-I'm just surprised she gave you
such a thrill ride.
That's right. Regular thrill-seeker.
You're forgiven.
Hey, Andy. Where's Ann?
- Please don't remind me. - What do you mean?
Oh, I guess you didn't hear.
- We broke up. - Oh, my God!
- You're kidding me. - Yeah.
I always kid about matters of the heart.
Ann wasn't right for me.
Plus, she slept with my sister's boyfriend.
- So, there's that. - Wow.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
I thought you guys were so perfect together.
Really? Did you?
Yeah.
Namaste, asshole.
I just feel so guilty all the time.
Why can't I stop thinkin' about Rachel?
I mean, I-I-I have everything I want.
Everything really is great.
And that situation was totally wrong.
I-I mean, I don't even want her,
or anything like that, anymore.
It sounds to me like you need closure.
Have you even spoken to her since that night?
No.
Maybe that's why you're still struggling with this.
Why don't you just call her?
I can't do that.
Why?
Sharon and I are in a really good place.
We're being totally honest with each other.
I'm not suggesting anything salacious here.
A simple conversation is not a crime.
Hi.
Gilby.
Hey, how are you?
I'm good. I'm good.
I haven't seen you around yoga, lately.
Oh, yeah, I don't-I don't do that anymore.
It was just a-a phase, I guess.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah, all that seeking stuff.
Maybe I just had too much time on my hands.
Actually, maybe all I needed was a job.
So, what are you doing here?
Uh, I'm not really sure, to be honest.
Um, everything ended so weird.
Rachel... I'm really sorry.
Oh, come on.
Shit happens, right?
Just forget it.
You don't hate me?
No, I don't hate anybody.
It's a complete waste of energy.
I know I was a mess then,
but that time really changed me.
I mean, y-you really changed me.
You were a good friend.
Look...
you never really knew me,
and I had no idea who you were.
Hey, for what it's worth, I thought it was special.
I think you're romanticizing
something that was never really there.
Wow.
I never thought about it that way,
but I-I guess you're right.
Yeah.
Go home, Gilby.
We can still be friends.
We never really were.
I just don't know exactly...
I wish I had the words.
I don't know what to say.
Just say goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oh, take it off.
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Unsnap my bra.
- No-no-no. - Just take it off. Just take it off!
- I'm just gonna rip it. - What are you talking about?
- No-no-no. - Just kiss me.